Have you ever wanted to do something a little bold but you were afraid to do it alone or go solo? The word ‘solo’ scares you. Lots of ‘what ifs’ pop up in your mind.
This was exactly me three and a half years ago. Going solo was something quite difficult for me when first started on my gap year — solo. All of my friends were entering university, meanwhile, I was working as a vet nurse. Throughout these years, I’ve learnt to be comfortable in my own presence and have experienced so much growth from it.
Having gone for 3 solo overseas trips and many solo adventures within my home country, I’m a lot more prepared to live in a whole new country — solo. Or shall I say, I’m a lot more excited for future solo adventures and where it’ll bring me! Rather than feeling fearful and doubtful, excitement and eagerness fills me.
Solo — SOLO. Who doesn’t love acronyms? Haha, I’ll be going through what each of the alphabet stands for and why you should just go solo.
S — Self-reliance ⇒ Self-confidence
Going solo means you get to be self-reliant. With self-reliance, comes self-confidence. There will be plenty of instances in life when we are faced with challenges and have to rely on ourselves to get back up. When we rely on ourselves more, we get to trust ourselves more, trust our intuition and trust the process.
Learn to be comfortable in your own presence
The perfect training for this aspect of you is to go for solo travel overseas! If this is the first time someone is suggesting this to you or the first time this possibility has crossed your mind, you’re probably fearful. But if you’ve done it and you’re just reading this, you’re probably excited — maybe it’s time for another solo trip!
Otherwise, start by going out alone — eating alone, visiting museums alone, taking walks alone, attending classes alone.
In a different country, in such an unfamiliar environment, you’re forced to rely on yourself. You’ll start to realise your potential. Only when you’re stretched a little out of comfort, that’s when you’ll truly grow.
My first solo trip
During my first solo trip in Vietnam, I found out that the hotel I booked with no longer exists only when I was physically at the address. And this was after travelling for hours and trekking for half an hour (carrying my backpack and luggage) to reach that place. I was exhausted.
I then asked for confirmation with the current hotel it’s being replaced with. Also asked the homestays around if they accept ‘walk ins’ and their prices. As prices nearby were hiked up, I knew I had to find other options.
So I booked a stay online, a relatively cheap homestay-hotel further away in another village — 30 minutes by motorbike. Then, I asked for more help (using google translate) from the locals on how I could travel there. Finally and thankfully, a lady helped me arranged for a motorbike taxi. Reached there safely and continued my trip with slight tweaks to the day (as I was behind my plan by about 3 hours).
It was a hurdle but I’m glad I asked, stayed calm, trusted my instincts and practiced flexibility. And of course, genuinely grateful to the locals who helped me.
However you may ask, “Why do I need ‘training’ to rely on myself when I have so many loving people I know around me like my friends and family whom I can rely on?” But can you be sure that they will always be there?
You’re restricted by their time, interests, knowledge and abilities. When you want to achieve a bigger goal and with it comes many challenges, you have to rely on faith. Faith doesn’t come from reliance on others. It comes from belief in oneself.
O — Opportunities
Do you have a bucket list of things you want to do? What is stopping you?
If you’re just trying to find the right person to do it with, then you’re only stopping yourself from stepping into the area of opportunities. Opportunities to do things we never thought we could do. Opportunities for growth. And yes, alone.
We get to learn more about ourselves. And to do it at our own pace. We are not restricted by another person’s likes, dislikes and wants.
It’s now or never
For me, one item on my bucket list was to go on an adventurous and budget-friendly overseas trip. But I couldn’t find anyone with the same interest and time availability as me.
Last year, I decided, it’s now or never. So, I packed my bags and went on a solo trip in northern Vietnam.
In 2 weeks, I visited 5 cities and provinces. Did many firsts. Hiked alone, reached many viewpoints and saw beautiful scenic views. Caught sunrises and sunsets. Stepped foot into a historical palace. Ordered food and communicated in Vietnamese. Travelled on grab motorbike. Travelled on an overnight sleeping bus for 8 hours. Went on a 3 days 2 nights motorbike tour in Ha Giang. Spent just under $1200SGD in 2 weeks, including flights. Proved to myself that solo travel and budget travel was possible.
I would never have had these many opportunities if I were to do it with someone for the first time. Or if I were to wait for the ‘right person’ to come by, these opportunities would have been missed.
L — Like-minded people
Going solo doesn’t always mean you’ll be alone. Yes, you may start off alone, but trust me, you’ll end off with a whole bunch of people with you on your journey of life. Because we are just surrounded by people. I bet you’ll find something you have in common with new people you meet along your journey. I mean, how did you both end up in the same place at the same time, doing similar things in that moment and having a conversation?
The people we have around us may not always have the answer to all of our challenges. As you go solo more often, you’ll start to realise that only YOU can find the answer to YOUR own questions. Only YOU can walk on the right path to YOUR own destination. The people you meet along the way will serve you as guides. Like-minded people create the right environment that aligns with your values.
Who says you should only ask your questions to your circle of friends and family? What if you can widen your circle of people you know? The only likely way you could do this is to open up, go out, go solo, meet like-minded people and figure out your answer.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
As you continue to grow and learn to walk ahead alone sometimes, you’ll meet and spend more time with more like-minded people who were further ahead on your journey. Sometimes you’ve got to change up these top 5 people in your life, in order to grow. But of course, be grateful for the shared experiences and growth you all made together at a certain point in your life. And of course, you’ve got to give in order to grow.
A great example to illustrate this is when I decided to join one of the Toastmasters International clubs — alone. I’ve never met so many amazing, like-minded, loving and generous people at once before. We all have a common belief of continuous and never-ending improvement, especially in the aspect of communication. Every meeting, the room is filled with synergy, love and support.
And I bet we will all be able to answer this question: What’s the biggest room in the world?
We will say: The room for improvement!
O — Okay!
It’s OK to go solo! It isn’t as bad as you think it’s going to be. Most of the time, what’s stopping us is fear. And we think that fear is due to the lack of support or company from people. But the truth is, fear is due to the lack of clarity — should I actually do it now, and alone?
I understand that it’s not always appropriate to go solo so here are some guiding tips to help you decide when you should go solo.
How to decide when to go solo
Using Tim Ferris’s fear setting exercise to help with any decision making.
Part 1 — Define, prevent, repair your fears of taking action.
Step 1: What’s the worst case scenario? What might go wrong?
Step 2: List ways you could reduce the likelihood of each of the worst-case scenarios from happening.
Step 3: List ways you could repair the damage, if this situation were to come true.
Step 4: Assess the impact of these worst-case scenarios on a scale of 1-10.
- 1 = minimal impact, and 10 = permanently life-altering in a significant way.
Part 2 — Consider the potential benefits of taking action.
Step 5: What might go right if you take action?
Step 6: Assess the potential positive impact of these successes on a scale of 1-10.
- 1 = minimal impact, and 10 = permanently life-altering in a significant way
Part 3: Consider the consequences of inaction.
Step 7: What’s the potential costs of maintaining the status quo?
Step 8: Assess the potential negative impact of inaction on a scale of 1-10.
- 1 = minimal impact, and 10 = permanently life-altering in a significant way.
Step 9: Weigh the benefits and costs, make a decision.
Best instances to go solo
- overseas travel in a safe country (you should try it at least once in your life!)
- learning a skill (musical instrument, language, public speaking, coding, writing etc)
- anything you know is good for you but you’re just uncomfortable doing it alone
Ending words
We are on different paths in our lives and we are living life at different paces. And we should respect ourselves for that. If we can’t find anyone with the same interest or goal as us, it’s OKAY! Just go solo! Be a trail blazer. Be a lone wolf. And be yourself.