My understanding of mindfulness had been wrong the whole time. Or rather the way I’ve tried to incorporate mindfulness into my life had been wrong. Not until I’ve attended a meditation course and tried to live almost like a nun for that 10 days. I’ve always thought that mindfulness just means being present, appreciating the moment, but it is a lot more than that.
I’d like to give you 3 ways that you can incorporate mindfulness into your life to help you better understand what mindfulness really means.
To better remember, here’s an acronym: B, O, P. Bop.
BOP — Boredom, Objectiveness, Permanence
Boredom — It’s okay to be bored
Notice how we just can’t sit still. To many of us, boredom is seen as being unproductive or lazy.
The moment we sit down and wait for a bus, what do we do? We whip out our phones. The moment a meeting gets cancelled, what do we do? We try so desperately to find alternatives to fill the time — maybe a meal with a friend, time to scroll through social media, or to clear some emails?
If there’s really nothing to do, have you tried to take a moment to pause and be with the moment?
How about giving yourself elbow room to stretch, take deep breaths, walk around, look out and watch how the trees or grass move with the wind.
Doing nothing can be compared to the pauses integral to a beautiful piece of music. Without the absences of sound, music would just be constant noise. For example, imagine having no pauses in your favourite music, would you still be listening to it at all?
Boredom is a chance for us to refresh, recharge and rejuvenate. Our brains will be much happier and healthier when it coexists with idle moments without imperatives, nothing to rush to, fix, or accomplish.
The most creative people have their most magnificent ideas pop up to them when they are doing the most random and boring task, like cutting grass, scrubbing floors, stargazing.
So, be mindful of boredom, don’t rush through it or wish that it will be over. When we incorporate mindfulness into boredom, it becomes fuel for our minds.
Objectiveness — Observe your emotions objectively
It means seeing situations as it is, not what we want it to be. Seeing our emotions as it is, not what we want it to be.
The beauty in this is there’s balance of the mind. On one end of the spectrum is suppression of our emotion and on the other end of the spectrum is letting it have the freedom to explode, with no control. In mindfulness, however, there’s neither. One way to practice mindful objectiveness is to first observe our body sensations.
Let me share a personal experience
It was during the 10 days meditation course. It was on the 5th day and on the 5th hour of meditation. I felt such an intense feeling of frustration. My shoulder was burning, my neck was aching, my lower back was on the brink of breaking, the pressure point between my thighs and the cushion I was sitting on was excruciatingly painful as if someone was drilling a palm-sized hole through my thighs. My mind was so agitated, “Why do I have to put myself through this ordeal? Is meditation meant to be like this? Why am I even trying so hard?”
I just wanted to finally break open my eyes. Stand up. Run out of the meditation hall. Sprint around the meditation hall. And at the same time, scream at the top of my lungs. But I stopped. In that very moment, I stopped to observe my sensations. Burning… oh… this is how burning feels. Interesting. Aching… this is how aching feels. Breaking pain… so this is might be how breaking a lower back feels like. Drilling pain… so this is how being drilled into feels like.
I continued to observe. Not feeling any hatred against my sensations. Not feeling frustrated at my frustrations. Slowly, the intense sensations and emotions subsided and what’s left was a calm state of mind. From that moment on, meditation felt a lot easier.
Your question might be…
How does observing sensations help with observing emotions?
Sensations are linked to emotions. Burning, tension, throbbing can be linked to anger. Numbness, coldness, tightness can be linked to nervousness. Subtle vibrations can be linked to happiness.
When we learn to observe our sensations, it helps us better understand our emotions. “Burning… yes, I’m angry.” So instead of reacting to our emotions, we are instead AWARE of our emotions. Only then, can we RESPOND objectively.
Do it BEFORE REACTING. Or rather, at least. try to catch yourself even if you’re already in the midst of reacting. Give yourself a moment to come back to observe your sensations.
All these comes from being detached — detachment from our emotions. Anger is not me. Annoyance is not me. Disappointment is not me. Even happiness is not me. When angry, observe that this is just anger, this is how anger feels like.
With more mindful practice, it weakens the ‘reaction’ faculty of the mind, the faculty of the mind that tells you to run away. And, in turns, it strengthens the ‘action’ faculty of the mind which tells you to walk on the path of love and compassion to help others.
So, when we incorporate mindfulness into objectiveness, it becomes the ability to respond more positively, rather than react to situations.
Permanence — Nothing is permanent
This thought made it even more precious.
We have a misconception of “permanence” in our lives.
Have you lost anything in life? (As simple as your earpiece which you left on the bus. In a deeper aspect, friends or relationships? Even losing the colour of your hair, from black to grey, from brown to grey.)
On the other hand, have you gained anything in life? (Learnt a new skill? Got a job promotion? Received a gift?)
Hope you realise something from the above questions. That nothing is permanent. You can never stay young (maybe possible in spirit and heart), in your ripe, prime age of the 20s. Don’t have the same items you had couple days ago. Maybe your watch broke. Got a replacement chair for your squeaking desk chair etc.
Now, the real question to ponder about. After realising that everything comes and goes, gained and lost, is there a point to be attached to those things?
Of course, I’m not saying that you should not care about the people, relationships or experiences around you. But to live in the present, appreciate and love them. Knowing that everything is so impermanent and nothing lasts forever.
Even if we lose them, we are not too emotionally attached to them. Instead, we are able to move on and appreciate every moment along the way.
So, when we incorporate mindfulness into the idea of permanence, it becomes im”permanence”. Remember the existence of impermanence in every corner of our lives.
Actionable takeaways
1. Be bored
Pause for a moment when moving from one task to another.
2. Observe your emotions before acting
Be aware of body sensations. Respond rather than react.
3. Focus on one thing at a time
Try not to multitask. Think: If this is the last time I’m ever doing this, is this how I’ll be doing it?
Ending words
To conclude, the next time we think of mindfulness, let’s think of the word BOP and bop our heads.
Finally, in any moment you catch yourself drifting off from that moment and not being fully present, try to think in your head:
“If this isn’t perfect, I don’t know what is.”