Some days, when I am reading my book, I would be reluctant to read just 20 pages. I’ll think that I have better and more productive things to do, and would feel guilty about it. Some days, as I focus my mind on that one task of reading my book, I would ultimately reach a calm state of mind to enjoy the breeze and savour every sip of my tea. I would also be wondering, “If this isn’t pleasant, I don’t know what is.” It is the same place, same book, same tea. But a different mindset. And that mindset is staying present.
It took my 1 whole year to finally realise this. I spent a whole year sulking over things I cannot change, overthinking and worrying about things I cannot control and never really appreciating the moment. There is more to life than comparing ourselves with others, being upset about things we don’t have rather than being grateful for the things we have. Known as hedonic adaptation, it is our tendency to return to a baseline level of satisfaction no matter what happens to us in life. It is part of our innate human nature to keep wanting more but returning back to our baseline level of satisfaction. However, I believe that we are able to change (and increase) our baseline level of satisfaction by practicing daily mindfulness.
1. Think “If this isn’t pleasant, I don’t know what is.”
Too many people, including myself, do not realise that we have so many things around us that we do not appreciate enough. We are way too busy to care about these ‘little’ details. We are chasing after too many things at a time and once we reach our goals and get what we want, we move on to the next thing. The cycle repeats. Why not make celebration and appreciation part of our daily life?
It could be as simple as drinking your daily morning coffee at your balcony, walking by a clean park or waking up to birds chirping beautifully. Think, “If this isn’t pleasant, I don’t know what is.” This quote serves to remind us to appreciate the things we have and take for granted. You may write or print this quote, as many as you please, and paste it in your room, notebook or laptop. It will remind you, at random moments, to stay present and focus on the very task that you are doing.
Some of you may think it might be our difference in preference and we just naturally appreciate different things, some people prefer cloudy days and hate being woken up by chirping birds in the morning. Is it really because of our preferences? The main reason is really because we take things for granted, we are asking for more than what we truly need. Do you really need the perfect cloudy weather to feel good and have a jog in the park? Why can’t peaceful chirping birds wake you up in the morning? What if they were bombs and air raids instead? If you could even walk in a park breathing fresh air (versus the many people having to live breathing polluted air), why can’t you think, “If this isn’t pleasant, I don’t know what is.”
2. Stop comparing. Know what is enough.
Each one of us is brought up in a different environment. Throughout our lives, we encounter different opportunities, we face different challenges, we meet different people. We also choose to believe and act on different things. These different experiences shape who we are today. There is no point in comparing because, if we want to compare, there is an infinite number of comparisons we can make. We are different in our own ways. Accept it.
Know what is enough, know your needs and comforts, and stop comparing. Below is the fulfillment curve, it shows our level of fulfillment against money spent.
Our level of happiness increases proportionally or exponentially when we spend money on items we really need for survival like food and shelter. It increases to a lesser extent when we spend more money on comfort items like smartphones and a spacious home. It then plateaus as we spend even more money on luxuries such as branded bags, cars and an even larger house. It finally decreases as we reach the peak of our fulfillment level when we start overconsuming and cluttering our living and working space.
Why do many of us find ourselves never being satisfied with what we have? It is because we compare and do not understand what exactly is enough for us. The more we compare ourselves with others, the more we feel we will never have enough. We can never have all the things in the world. This is a fact. However, many of us are persistently chasing one thing after another but never really feel satisfied about all the things that we have accomplished.
Take the time to reflect and journal. We, people, are not good at processing our thoughts and the myriad of information we are bombarded with every day. Penning down our thoughts, emotions and ideas will help lead us towards our purpose. Compare with nobody but yourself. Plan to challenge and improve yourself. The only form of ‘comparison’ you can allow yourself to make is writing ‘I would want to learn from whoever on how to manage my finances and be more generous.’ Learning from another person is different from wanting to be that person. When you learn from a role model or someone you look up to, you gain insights into their thought process. You would still have your own independent thinking and be able to do the task in your own way that suits you.
Do things that align with your values and life purpose will lead you towards your life purpose and bring lasting happiness. Everyone’s purpose and passion in life differs. Some want to make a difference in the lives of families with special needs children, some want to make a difference in animals’ lives. Find what truly brings the best in you and work towards it. Stop comparing and lead your own life.
3. Change things up just a little. Add a little fun.
Many times we tend to forget the very reason why we are doing the things we are doing. One of the most important and first things we need to do in order to live our life to the fullest is choosing to do things that align with our life purpose. Next, is to have fun.
Having fun will help you to feel satisfied. Satisfaction may mean you feel happiness, relaxed or proud, but never anger, sadness or worry. Fun does not always have to be pleasurable, it can be challenging in order to keep your focus and thus allowing you to stay present.
Fun can be applied to basically anything you do. You could add in play when you mow your lawn. You may try to beat your previous record time and feel satisfied afterwards. You could add play into your weekly blog writing by increasing the contents on your blog by 200 words or breaking a record time.
Pay such close attention that you find new challenges you did not see before. You may go for a walk in the park, instead of doing the things you usually do like enjoying the breeze, try to look a little closer at the ground, discover different species of plants and animals which you may not know of and test yourself the next time you notice them. Discover it’s hidden beauty. By adding fun, you are manipulating a familiar situation in a new way.
4. Keep things neat. Add colours. Add a plant or a painting to your work space.
Your environment really plays a part in affecting your mood and focus. The difference in environment depends on the individual. Some people prefer to work in an environment filled with many of their beloved and inspirational items. To many, this may seem like clutter and a mess. However, to these people, they feel the most fulfilled and productive this way. Whereas, some people prefer to work in a neat and tidy environment with minimal clutter. Find what works for you and create that environment for yourself.
Adding some colours to your workspace may brighten up your environment and thus your mood. It may put a smile on your face and remind you to stay present. It could be as simple as tying a pastel green ribbon on your window to remind you to look out the window and appreciate the weather before starting your work.
Have something around which will trigger you to get into a calm mode or whatever mode you feel will fuel your day. It could be a painting or a plant or even your study mug. Adding some greenery in our environment has shown to improve our attention and thus our ability to stay present. That mug filled with your favourite tea or coffee may motivate you to add challenges to your task in order to stay present.
5. Write 3 things you are grateful for daily.
This is a small step you can take to build your habit of journaling. Writing 3 things you are grateful about in your day will naturally improve your ability to stay present. Besides, it takes less than 5 minutes. Gratitude is a habit and can be cultivated. It helps in staying present as you would realise the presence of some things you would rarely notice. Such as being grateful for a nice home cooked dinner or a nice quality catch up with an old friend or a stranger opening the door for you.
I like to write 3 things I’m grateful for and 3 things I can improve on at the end of the day. This will remind me that I have enough and I only have myself to compare to. The things you want to improve can also include things which you want to learn from others. Then take action. This is very different from comparing with others and not doing anything about it or sulking at it.
6. Breathe. Meditate.
Inhale for 3 seconds and exhale for 5 seconds. Do this 10 times as you close your eyes and concentrate on your breath. This is a helpful step to practice to eventually learn to meditate. Taking deep breaths have shown to improve our mood, concentration abilities and our physical health.
Meditation is more than just breathing. In mindfulness meditation, we’re learning to pay attention to the breath as it goes in and out, and notice when the mind wanders from this task. Random thoughts may pop by in your mind, acknowledge them without judgement. This practice of returning to the breath builds the muscles of attention and mindfulness. When we pay attention to our breath, we are learning to return to and remain in the present moment — to anchor ourselves in the here and now with purpose and without judgement.
Read the steps below to help you start your meditation exercise. Ensure you are at a place where there is minimal to no noise so that you can ease into a relaxed state.
1. Take a seat in a comfortable position.
You could be sitting in a cross-legged position, kneeling or on a seat with your feet on the floor. As long as you are stable and comfortable it should be alright. Ensure your back is straight to allow a smooth flow of your breath.
2. Set a timer.
As a beginner, you may even start with 1 minute then slowly increase to 5 or 10 minutes. Set a time you know your body will be the most satisfied with at the end of the exercise.
3. Close your eyes and take your first breath.
Take in a deep breath lasting 3 seconds and exhale for 5 seconds.
4. Focus your mind on the journey of your breath.
Take note as your breath travels from your nose, down your trachea and inflates your lungs. Notice how deep your breath goes. Then notice how your lungs deflate as your breath travels out through your trachea and nose into the environment.
5. Notice the sensations in your body.
Feel the sensations throughout your body as you breathe. Do you feel tingles in your fingers or toes? Is your heart pumping slower? Does your body feel lighter or heavier?
6. Acknowledge your thoughts with no judgement.
Your mind might wander as soon as you close your eyes. ‘Why am I doing this?’, ‘This feels really weird’, ‘How many seconds have passed already?’
Be kind to these thoughts, acknowledge them without judgement. When you finally notice your mind has wandered, simply just come back to focusing on your breath.
7. Close with kindness.
When you are ready, gently lift your gaze. Take a moment to notice the sounds in your environment. Recognise how your body feels right now. Take note of your thoughts and emotions.
At the start, it may feel very difficult to even hold it for 1 minute. Take one step at a time, complete 1 minute daily for 1 week then 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 5 minutes…
7. Do nothing.
Have some time alone to do nothing. You may ponder, take a stroll in the park or stare into the sky. One rule is — no devices around.
Many people are always in a rush, wanting to be productive. Many see doing nothing as unproductive and is a frowned upon behaviour. People seek a constant need to do something. Even when there really isn’t anything to do, they still fish out their phone to check their mobile applications as if to fill their constant ‘productive’ void, wanting to feel occupied with something to do.
However, doing nothing has proven to strengthen our creative mind. You are giving your mind the care it needs to allow ideas to flow and inspirations to come to light. When you are doing nothing, you are better able to notice your surroundings and appreciate the little things you would rarely pay attention to. This will give you the inspiration you need for your next project or an idea for the topic of your next blog or youtube video.
Save some time in a week to do nothing. Sit at a park, stare into the night sky or take a longer route to walk home. Who knows, you may come up with a crazy idea to get together with a group of friends to start a project and make a difference in the life of others.
8. Avoid multitasking. Be involved. Focus.
People multitask to feel like they are more productive or making better use of their limited time. They think they are achieving more when they multitask. However, research has shown that multitasking not only increases the total time spent on completing each of the tasks, it also decreases your focus and thus decreases the quality of the work you do. People think that they are multitasking, doing 2 or more things at a time but, in fact, their focus is actually shifting from one task to another, so they are doing one thing for a few seconds then another for a few seconds repeatedly but never being fully involved at one task. This decreases the quality of the work too.
The only time when we are able to multitask well is when one of the tasks we are doing can be done without much control or thought into it, such as walking or standing. You may stand as you do your work on your laptop, you may conduct a walking meeting to discuss ideas with your colleagues.
Ultimately, in order to be more mindful and present, you need to be involved and focused. Do one thing at a time and appreciate each of their beauty.
Another simple way you can avoid multitasking and be fully present is to be particular or curious about your senses. Focus on your senses — smell, taste, touch, hearing and sight. Be sensitive and mindful of them. You may use this method when you are eating. Instead of gobbling down your food, take smaller bites and savour each bite. Focus on the smell, temperature, texture and taste of each component of your food.
9. Understand your body and behaviour.
Firstly, identify your emotions. Are you feeling nervous, tired, depressed, angry or relaxed? Be particular about what your body is telling you. Is your chest tight or are you light or heavy headed? Are your fingers tense or twitching? Are your shoulders sore? Acknowledge them and be kind to your mind and body.
Secondly, understand why you are feeling this way. What is the trigger or stimulus? What has been the build up leading to your behaviour of being unable to stay present in the moment.
Thirdly, change your belief. You may view the task at hand as challenging, purposeless or boring. Reflect on your initial belief and ask yourself if it is really what it is. Is it really boring?
Finally, understand your behaviour and make a change to it. You may decide to add a little challenge to washing the dishes to make it less boring, such as setting a time to beat. If you realise the task you are doing is purposeless, tell yourself it is okay to stop doing it and move on. After following the above steps, you should be able to better understand your behaviour of why you are unable to stay present and appreciate the moment.